It's been well over a month now since I was layed-off. I no longer work for Quinn Rental Services. After nearly 10 years of service I was given my walking papers. I still feel betrayed. In retrospect I should have seen it coming. It was arrogant of me to think that I was untouchable.
Time to move on.
Times sure have changed from when I had to look for a job nearly 15 years ago. No longer is it acceptable for you to visit a prospective employer. It's all done via email and job boards. Gone are the mornings sipping coffee looking over the help wanted adds. Now it's sipping coffee in front of a computer screen as you visit company career sites. Submit resume and cover letter. Click.
It's been a month and a half now. I'm starting to get call backs on my resumes that I have sent. Some companies flat out refuse to return my calls or even to indicate that I am in the system. Other companies are wonderful about the process and let you know. It's one or the other. I hate rejection, but I hate not knowing more. It's hard not to become discouraged. Angry. Caged.
Angry that I allowed to get myself in this situation. Angry that I can't provide for my wife and daughter. All this anger is directed at myself. Internalized. It makes it hard to sleep at night. I catch mself falling asleep on the couch late at night watching TV. I crawl into bed only to be wide awake 30 minutes later. Restless. Sometimes I'll get rushes of adrenaline. My mind will linger on the stupidest things. Snatches of songs heard on the radio or from the children's music cd in my wife's car.
The house now is starting to feel like a cage more and more. It's a constant reminder now. My skills are many. My experience is well established. Too much for an entry level or even mid level. But not enough for supervisory positions. No degree, no management. It even keeps me from getting high end coordinator jobs for software firms.
It's time to move on. Only I have the power to change! Right? Right.
What will I do now?
So, here I stand. My former career behind me. Ahead of me is brilliant white fog, as if it were lit by the high beams of my car. I know where it leads but it's slow and tedious. To my left is a dirt path. Rocky and over grown, but a glimpse of light in the distance. To the right? It's dark. A storm rages. The path is yet to be revealed.